It is not like this equation in our most closest relationships.
It's not an equalizer or a balance scale that we should measure and count on. For unconditional love is not with condition or return on investment. It's simply a given gift that you receive and should feel loved and grateful in that. But we find it impossible to just receive for it brings out guilt in us. To rid ourselves of the guilt we initiate payback. Then it's a redeemer; we feel better about ourselves.
When I do something you are thinking how does this involve me, how does this benefit me. And when I ask it's with a conditional yes, but only if this or that. For you to put the conditions gives you a sense of involvement or control. A sense of balance. Showing me actually a sudden lacking in you. That you were left out before and now when engaged will force to be included with an imposed condition you feel you can insert because of your position. I think you are inherently not like this but have fear of being left out or behind.
But the irony, you are already left.
And posing the condition of trying to equalizing makes it more so.
...that is difficult to transfer to another person by means of writing it down or verbalising it
Thank you. I clearly know you did not mean it. I love you.
ReplyDeleteok, i'm sorry you felt sad.
I wish you just communicated with me. This made me sad. I expressed it. Now I'm beaten for expressing my feelings because it does not jibe with yours. Whether you like it or not your words caused this effect. I reread them. I want to be wrong but I stand my ground because none if my feelings have been acknowledged.
I don't know why you can't say sorry. Ever. Just sorry for making me sad. Or did you intend to.
you will let this one go? do you read that and understand the tone. you are controlling when you say that to me. like you are judging me and deciding what i did was good or bad. their is no good and evil in this.
i believe there is love. when you let it be, and i let it be. and that means very different things for us. for you let it be, means to let go, and for me, let it be means to let it thrive. its there for both of us, but in the same way we are forcing it. one way for you and another way for me.
I get that. I let this one go but with the others it makes it hard. I only ask that you see my side. I acknowledge yours.
i'm sad that you need this reaffirmation all the time. i feel you are strangling me. this was a point about what you give up to achieve a dream. the walt disney feel good dream stuff is not the reality. that was a beautiful point.
but with your insecurities you only read that you are not in there and then you accuse me of being all work. that was not the point, the point was: the walt disney feel good dream stuff is not the reality.
I hope we love more than struggle to tell truths?
I'm also sad that my part in your story is non existent. It's just about work at all costs. Do you understand why I get confused by your communication?
As you suggest I will assume the best. I wish you could make it easier for me instead of seeing things as a struggle.
This was the date. It's only through our struggles and sadness that we reveal truths
when was this. it makes me sad.