i feel backed into a corner. i feel put there by no intention of my own. it makes me sad and mad. really frustrating to be so misunderstood and questioned by the person who i want the least to misjudge me. you are not suppose to feel anything. other that just listen and let it be. don't internalize my things and make them your own anxieties. this is my honesty. but when you question me all the time, i question my honesty and it starts to feel damaged. when its not. you break down my confidence and there was no reason. and now i'm upset, you are upset and for nothing. there was no reason for this... really pisses me off. you make a mountain out of the little puddle. its like you having to clean the spoon when there is a whole heap of pots and pans. and you freak out about the little dust speckle on the spoon, instead of seeing all the scrubbing that is happening to get the pots and everything else clean. i love your attention to detail. but this is one of the times, when its negative, and only brings down the whole bigger operation.
I ask that you look at what you sent me and what I said. I'm not trying to hurt you. I love you. I really need you to have more awareness. I'm not in a position to say nothing or ignore what I see. I should be able to discuss this and not feel like I did something wrong. I've only stated facts and asked for you to explain so that I could know that what you wrote, how it sounded, was not intentional.
i feel the same way i want to be able to discuss and write what i feel and not feel like i did something wrong. i only state my facts (which are as i see it) (as are yours) and i'm not trying to hurt you. i really need for you to see my awareness in the intention of what it is, and not insert your own assumptions in my writings then judge me and make me feel like it wasn't right and i did something wrong. if you ask me for more awareness, then i feel shut down and will not say or share anything, for fear of your lack of confidence. take the writing with the good intention and not assumptions brought on by insecurities. if you feel i'm twisting words.... i'm going to stop here and write to you no more. then our communication is fucked. by assumptions, insecurities, awareness and misinterpretations -and then we don't know each other or trust each other, or give each other the space to live and love.
It is a blur from the statements you have made to me in our discussions about it. You know how I feel. How do you feel? I think I know but then... Are your actions consistent? I just said I was sad. Then you made a proclamation about truths?
you are right. how dare i proclaim. how come i even feel. i'm misunderstood and misconstrued. truth doesn't even exit to me, because its all subjective anyway. as you interpret: decoded by the codes of culture you were brought up with. i was sad when i wrote the piece. there was hurt felt and i wrote it out. and then shared it. i guess i should keep (it) only to the lovey-dovey happiness. for you are right, i take responsibility for making you sad with my sad piece. i was hoping for a new understanding from you through this, and not a disparity.
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